"We got a call about somebody breaking into your house. If you would like us to come in and assist you, we're gonna need your insurance card. No insurance? Oh, no problem. You can pay out of pocket. We'll just need you to set up a payment plan. Finished? Great. Now, how can we help you with this breaking an entering thing?"
"It certainly appears your house is about to burn down. If you would like us to put it out, we're gonna need to see your insurance card. Great. Oh, unfortunately only your living room and bedrooms are covered. We can begin the firefighting process now, but it may get costly for you. Let us know how you'd like us to proceed."
"Who knows the capital of New Hampshire? Sorry, Timmy. Montpelier is incorrect. If you would like the correct answer, have your mom and dad call the school and make arrangements to pay. Does mom and dad have insurance? No? Well, you don't really need to know the capital of New Hampshire anyway. Right?"
Well, you can put all of that behind you now, because I got the perfect solution! I have the perfect Christmas gift idea. You may think my idea lacks Christmas spirit, but bear with me. My heart is in the right place.
Okay, so the first step to buying the perfect gift is for you to think of something you really really want or need. And don't be stingy. Spend as much as you like, because I'm pretty sure the other person will match you. Second, wrap it and give it to your friend or loved one. And it's assumed that your friend or loved one has done the same for you. Now, here's the perfect part. Third, change the bow or rewrap the gift or add a design or flair to the wrapping. Fourth, simply hand it back to the friend or loved one who gave it to you in the first place. Fifth, open it! Sixth, there! It's exactly what you wanted! No guesswork and inevitable disappointment. Seventh, have a Coke and a smile and call it a day, or a Christmas day.
Until next year, and all this annoying crap starts over again. Ugh.
Dating small girls, ie. Asians, Pigmies, or even Dwarves, will in some cases elicit amazement from your target girl. While following the rule of the smaller the better is usually a good rule of thumb, there are limits: see warning below.
As a warning: I recently learned about the smallest girl in the world, who lives in India or somewhere, and is only a foot or so tall. Obviously, this sort of size difference is criminal and downright impossible, logistically. Don’t be a prick about this.
Ebay's new fees will start sometime in the near future where they are gonna charge users a flat fee of 5 cents every time you go to one of their pages! On top of that Ebay will also charge people who were thinking about going to one of their pages. How in the world are they gonna enforce that? You'd be surprised. Ebay is very powerful. They're like the mafia of online auctions, and so they like to have their cyber hands in everything. There is some good news, with these new fees, merely thinking about going to Ebay will be considerably cheaper than actually going to Ebay, so think about all the money you'll save just thinking about going to Ebay instead of actually going.
With these new usage fees just around the corner, Ebay has also revealed its upcoming fee for talking about Ebay. Like this post, for instance, is going to cost me about 2 dollars when it's all said and done. Ebay's gonna be like Fight Club. The first rule of Ebay, don't talk about Ebay. Yeah, because it's gonna cost you. So, from here on out, if you're planning on talking about Ebay, remember to keep some spare change on you, so you can cover any charges that may incur.
Ebay is also planning on charging people who leave their browsers on Ebay for too long. In addition, if something happens in your house while your computer is idle, Ebay would like to have a cut of that, too. So, if you leave your computer on and say, you have sex with your wife/or whoever, and happen to conceive a child, Ebay plans to implement a fee for the conception of that child. The initial child conception fee is going to be about 5% of the total child's cost, plus the final fee, when the child is ultimately born. As you know, kids are expensive, and Ebay knows this, too. Ebay can do this. So stop fucking around!
In conclusion remember, Big Brother is watching, and because of this, Big Brother owes Ebay a considerable fee, as do you for being watched. If you have a dispute and would like to challenge these fees, Ebay will be glad to take your case into consideration before they ultimately decide in their favor. And remember, there is a 10% fee for all cases found in their favor, which is over 100% of all cases. Ebay gets what Ebay wants. Ebay is just saying.
I ain't gonna resurrect you anymore Man, you throw yourself at any girl who comes along I'm just gonna leave you half dead in your apartment Staring at your cleaning products like you wanna drink them
Cuz no one wants a man like you around Yeah you worship the ground where she is bound You're so full of love and so profound But when it comes to something real You pussy out
I remember you back in high school Man, you threw yourself at any girl who came along You were so damn cool and everyone knew You had life figured out but now I have doubts
If you feel so inclined, you can give this song a listen here.
Now, you are ready to go Halloweenie-ing! The best way to go about Halloweenie-ing is to meet up with a bunch of other halloweenies and sort of like invade the downtown area. Consume mass quantities of libation, this will help with lubrication, or social lubrication. As soon as you're drunk, storm the streets and run around like your crazy. Try to avoid cars. There's always safety in numbers.
If you want to dress up like Hallovageenies, be advised, this is a much more involved endeavor, especially if your Hallovageenie has a larger than normal labia.
Check out this quaint little story for FREE! Agrarian Love Story is one of Michael Zinetti's first short stories. It tells about two young sweethearts, Marvin and D'Zynthia, and how one night, rather than sneak out for another drive-in movie, D'Zynthia suggests they stay in and see what fun can be had in her bedroom. Will Marvin go along with D'Zynthia's idea? What will happen if he does? Check out Agrarian Love Story by Michael Zinetti.
|Why, there's two boobies right now!|
I was talking to this dude and he told me there are no guarantees in life and that nobody lives forever. I was like, "What the heck!" So that's why I don't feel too bad about NOT finishing the movie Tree Of Life. I gave that movie forty minutes of my finite time on this planet and all it gave me was a discombobulated story, weird incoherent voice overs, and bizarre gratuitous theory on the inception of life sequences. My general thoughts by the end of the forty minutes were: "I'm not sure. Am I supposed to care about this dinosaur dude? What happened to Brad Pitt? Why don't they just tell the story? Is there a story? I don't mind a nonlinear story but this friggin' ridiculous. This is a nonlinear nonplanar possibly nonstory." As soon as I get word that my after-life insurance has kicked in, and I'm guaranteed eternal life, I'll finish Tree Of Life. Maybe.
Candidate 2: Mr. President, that's simply not true. In fact, America has less chicken now than it did four years ago.
Candidate 1: I DO have the most chicken. And if you give me your vote I will share it with all you good folks in this town (insert name).
Candidate 2: Why would the good folks of this town (insert name) give you their vote when you've had four years to share your chicken and they're still waiting for a taste of your chicken.
Candidate 1: The truth is I've shared LOTS of my chicken. What about your chicken? According to your plan, you're going to deduce chicken intake by 25%!
Candidate 2: That's simply not true.
Candidate 1: It is true.
Candidate 2: No it's not!
Candidate 1: I'm president and I say it's true.
Candidate 2: You won't be president for long!
Candidate 1: I'm beginning to think you don't like chicken.
(The good folks in this town (insert name) gasp in unison)
Candidate 2 (looks around nervously): That's simply not true. I love chicken. When I was governor of Marshmallow Land, we were the biggest producers of chicken. In fact, I made it possible for even the most poor and most idiotic people in my state to have chicken.
Candidate 1: I know. That's why we based much of our chicken production plan on yours in Marshmallow Land. But now, for some reason, you've distanced yourself from your chicken production model. Why is that? I think somebody doesn't like chicken as much as somebody says he likes chicken.
Candidate 2: That's private. I mean, that's simply not true. THIS somebody likes chicken!
Candidate 1: Allow me to reiterate, good folks of this town (insert name), if you give me your vote I will share my chicken with you. Wink wink nudge nudge.
So, later that night, I rented Tree Of Life.
Ten minutes in I was like, "When is this movie gonna start???"
Twenty minutes in, I was like, "I gotta see what this movie got on Rotten Tomatoes." So I paused it and checked it out on Rotten Tomatoes. 84%??? 84% of critics liked it? The positive reviewers were comparing it to Kubrick's 2001. I guess I could see that. However, in Kubrick's 2001, after all the fruity pebbles silliness, you eventually get to the spaceship sequences with David and the ship's computer, HAL, which were awesome. Was Tree Of Life gonna eventually get awesome? I had to keep going.
Thirty minutes in, after the earth creation sequences, I was seeing EXACTLY what they were talking about with the Kubrick 2001 comparisons. However, after the seemingly twelfth or thirteenth seemingly pointless voice-over, whispered something like, "Where is he?" or "What is he looking for?" or whatever the voice was saying, I think my brain literally spontaneously concussed. I was starting to think about my own mortality and why I would want to spend anymore of my finite time on this planet watching this movie that never seems to start. And yet, I pressed on.
Almost forty minutes later, I decided to pause the movie indefinitely, opting to watch something else I rented. In this case, 30 Rock Season 1, which I'd never seen but always wanted to someday sit down and watch.
As for the Tree Of Life, I got three more night to get through it. Hopefully, with the obligatory breaks in order to keep my own sanity, this will allow for enough time to finish it. Ugh.
.99 is all that separates you and 50 seriously silly sleep-deprived blog posts!!! Make it happen!!! Your Mom will be so proud!!!
31. Foreigners: This is more of a subconscious fear not grounded in reality. The irrational fear of anyone who looks or sounds different.
30. Anyone who sits right next to you: Anyone who walks into a sparsely populated room and sits right next to you. Freaky!
29. Nazis: They're mostly gone now so I think we can relax.
28. Bikers: They have tattoos and don't give a fuck.
27. Charles Manson: If you watch more than 15 minutes of one of his interviews, you won't be able to sleep, guaranteed.
26. Info-mercial Audience Members: These people are insane.
25. Librarians: They're just always there, working on something they seem to think is important. You would think they're there to help you. And you would be wrong. Just go up and ask them a question and you'll find out.
24. Rich People: There's just something not right about people who can buy and sell other people.
23. Doctors: Something scary about anyone who holds the fate of someone's life in their hands on a regular basis.
22. Anyone who just walked out of a forest: No matter what, anyone who just walked out of a forest always looks like they just got finished burying somebody.
21. Homeless People: Admit it. You're a little freaked out by homeless people.
20. Lawyers: They wear suits and know the law and know how to break it.
19. James Lipton: He just knows way too much about you. Just look at the actors on Inside The Actors Studio. They always seem so freaked out by him.
18. Robots: They'll go along with all your human bs until they decide to turn.
17. Politicians: Parasitic beings incapable of telling the truth.
16. Joel Osteen: Although Osteen avoids preaching fire and brimstone, there's just something about preachers with their tendency to dangle eternal life or damnation in front of you.
15. Clowns: They're covered in makeup and probably wanted in a couple states.
14. Old People: They're old and set in their ways, and even more so than bikers, don't give a fuck.
13. Heather Mills McCartney: Or cold and heartless gold-diggers. Mills just happens to be the best one ever.
12. Male Gynecologists: If I was a woman, I wouldn't stand for a male gynecologist.
11. Anyone holding something: Anyone just standing there holding something freaks me out. A big lollipop. A hammer. A balloon. A camera. That's scary!
10. Gang Members: Groups of anything is scary, especially if they don't give a fuck in unison.
9. Priests: Something scary about this group of people's propensity for pedofilia.
8. Women On Religious Shows: These freaky women who douse themselves in makeup and follow their preacher husbands are like Stepford Wives on crack.
7. Neo-Nazis: I'm white and they still scare the crap out of me.
6. Mafia Members: Italians can always claim to be in the mafia to get people to step off. They're lucky that way.
5. Children: They're small and unpredictable. Basically, anyone who's scary, if you can think of a little version of them, for some reason, it's more scary.
4. Mormons: Something freaky about polygamy, even if they supposedly don't do it anymore.
3. Islamist Extremist: The extreme version of anything is pretty scary, and extremist Muslims are the scariest.
2. Jehovah's Witnesses: The more I read about these people the more they scare me.
1. Scientologists: They're bat-shit crazy and extremely serious about it.
First off, are you tired of being a penniless weeble-wobble who wobbles but won't fall down? Living check to check, wobbling all the while and never falling down? Wouldn't you like to be less wobbly? Wouldn't you like to drive a Porsche? Didn't you like the Avengers?
Second off, what is the one thing that makes everyone in the world happy? I mean, what is the one thing that cuts through all cultural barriers, no matter how stupid and backwards these foreigner's cultures are? That's right! Au jus dipping sauce!
Third off, what I'm proposing is everyone out there stop doing your job. You don't need a boss telling you what to do. I mean, how many times have you personally seen your boss do something stupid like misuse there/their/they're? Probably lots. Cuz they're stupid and smell. Do you really want to keep working at a place like that? Where your only goal in life is to someday fill your boss's position, only to spend the rest of your days being scrutinized mercilessly by all your underlings, watching and waiting for you to f up? In some cases, being so annoying that they're even watching to see if you misuse there/their/they're? Bullocks!
Fourth off, hand to hand combat and au jus sauce go hand in hand.
Fifth off, what I'm proposing is gathering all your resources. All your possessions! All your assets! And literally liquidating them! Right now! Within a week, you could turn all your stuff into au jus dipping sauce! I'm serious! I need it! Once you've established this, you can make au jus work for you! You can even use au jus as legal tender! I'm serious! No more waiting in line at the post office. With au jus, all you do is dip the corner of your envelope in au jus and you're good to go. Are you sending something heavy? Well, just dip it deeper in the au jus. There's really no limit to what you can do with your au jus! I'm serious!
Sixth off, and lastly, the easiest step of all: sit back and watch the money roll in! All your financial burdens will be a thing of the past. You can finally have that island in the Pacific you always wanted! Where you can start your own society. Where every man is worshiped like a god and given 3 sometimes even 4 wives, to be loved and sexed and sometimes even traded like baseball cards with your friends. And the lakes and rivers are flowing with beefy au jus. And the women know there place. And you can never feel pain. And your hemorrhoids never flare up. And where your team always wins. And girls find you sexy. And laundry day never comes. And Oscar Wilde is revered. And where time travel is imminent. And evolution stops here. And where a thumb is no longer made to think it's any less than a finger. And where transvestites don't frighten you so much. And cole slaw is made tangy, never tart. I'm serious.
All of this and au jus can be yours. But only if you're willing to put down that job and house and follow au jus.
Intro: Benjamin Whyte is about to set out on a quest. When his world begins to collapse around him, Ben recalls a vision he had as a child-a vision of cool water that can wash away the grime and filth accumulated over the course of a lifetime, a vision of a glowing light that can heal and make whole - a vision of Clean. He also remembers the shadowy stranger who barred his path. Leaving his former life behind him, Ben embarks on a journey to find Clean. Following the recommendation of a mysterious new friend, he purchases a plane ticket and travels through a land of ancient spirituality in search of his goal. Clean is a chronicle of this adventure; an adventure full of peril, romance, enlightenment, and ultimately, a confrontation with the dark man himself.
Reviews: "Becomes a personal soul-searching experience. Ken's writing is thought provoking, insightful, and often profound." -- Reader Views
"His imagery puts you right in the middle of the mystical old world locations over in Britain." -- Podlings
"This story meshes perfectly the world that we all live in and the Arthurian world of Knights and honour that many of us wish still existed." -- TCM Reviews
"It is a rare work, especially one as concise as Clean, that can bring together the many elements of serious fiction in one piece: the various forms of conflict (man against man, man against nature, main against himself), tangible settings, symbol, allusion, meaningful theme, nemesis, historicity, and exploration of the human condition. That Sweet has managed this in Clean without drawing attention to the manner in which this is achieved demonstrates Sweet's deep understanding of and dedication to the craft." -- Chevalier Editions
"His imagery puts you right in the middle of the mystical old world locations over in Britain as Ben quests from site to site for clues to CLEAN." -- P.O.D.LINGS
"This is an inspiring book...Ben's own angst and yearnings leap off the page." -- Book Ideas
Well, the good thing is ESPN hasn't and probably never will make drastic changes, as sports are pretty much a constant. And yet, I don't watch FOX Sports that much anymore, since Best Damn Sports Show, which pretty much was the best damn sports show, is no more. Comedy Central is still good, not as good as I remember, but still good. I don't have VH1 Classic anymore, and I miss it, cuz I love seeing all those old videos, but Youtube more than makes up for this. And then there's Bravo.
Bravo used to be good. I used to like all the independent films, Inside the Actor's Studio, and pretty much anything else on Bravo. And then, during my ten year absence, when I wasn't watching much TV, something terrible happened. And it's called Real Housewives. Real Housewives of Wherever; New York, Orange County, etc., have completely taken over Bravo. When did this happen? I never thought I could miss James Lipton, as he was always such a creepy dude, but, hey, I'm miss James Lipton! In his stead, it's nonstop Real Housewives. Who is watching this shit? Why? Reality TV is horrible for the most part, and Real Housewives has got to be the pinnacle of this awfulness. I never would have known how awful this show was if wasn't for this girl I was dating, who was addicted to the Real Housewives shows. I tried to be a good boyfriend and give her interests a chance. But in the end, it was just too much to bear. After a while, I was just sitting there, praying for death, thinking how life is too short to waste even a second watching this moronic crap.
First of all, NOTHING is happening on the Real Housewives. Second, if people would give life half a chance, they could be doing whatever these Real Housewives are doing in their own lives-which isn't much. Third, for the most part, these women are complete morons. You can tell who the smart ones are because they're the ones that leave the show after one season, ie, Cat from Real Housewives of New York, or was it DC? Fourth, most of these women aren't housewives at all. If anything Real Housewives destroys marriages and in some cases LIVES. And yet it keeps going. Andy Cohen, have you no decency? Fifth, you can actually feel your brain softening and turning to mush when you watch Real Housewives. TV is a passive enough experience. When you watch Real Housewives, your brain is doing even less work, since nothing is going on. Sixth, there's nothing real about Real Housewives. Anything in the show that moves the story along or seems to create plot is the work of the show's producers. Otherwise there would be no show. So, in conclusion, seventh, you only have so much time on this planet. Do you really want to spend hours upon hours of your time watching Real Housewives who aren't even real or housewives?
|Heiny Insurance Salesmen: Tom, Dick, Harry, Harry, and Harry|
|Goober Felps: WBC Founder|
In order to find out how big of a jerk he could truly be, Goober realized he would have to take his jerkiness to the people. So Goober started going around town saying things like, “Hello, Mrs. Baker. You sure are pretty. And might I say that perfume you’re wearing sure is doing it’s best to cover up your usual stench. I reckon it’s time you had yourself a bath, now, Mrs. Baker. Don’t you?”
I’m sure you can imagine it wasn’t long before everyone in the small Kansas town wanted to lynch Goober. Lucky for Goober, most of the folks in town were good Christians and showed tolerance and turned the other cheek, which really bugged the crap out of Goober. So Goober, in a stroke of pure genius, decided to make himself big signs that said all the mean things he thought of. That way, even if the good townsfolk ignored his mean words, there was still a chance they might sneak a peek at his sign, as bright and colorful as he painted them. And when they did, why Goober could hardly contain his satisfaction, because he knew deep down where his heart was supposed to be, he had accomplished his goal and ruined that person’s day. The signs were also good because Goober didn’t have to risk losing his voice. This way, he could stay out longer and spread more hate, which suited him just fine.
Do you remember your first love? How about the competition you faced for their affection? Two awkward young boys, both forced to uproot and follow their families to a town in southern New Hampshire, develop an unlikely alliance as they attempt to overcome the challenges of settling into their new lives. They also develop an amusing rivalry as they each attempt to woo the gem in Salem's crown, a popular and aloof schoolmate named Audrey. Thus begins a seething enmity that continues to rear its head 20 years later as the friends struggle to put together a book detailing their experiences. Set against the backdrop of the early 80's, Salem Unbound is a series of candid and hilarious memoirs about the challenges of growing up; an imaginative and touching childhood saga of love, jealousy, and ultimately, of friendship.
I know you got lots of stuff to do and your time is very expensive. But they're bothering me again. BTW, it's me, Michael Zinetti. It's the loan people. It's Mohela. They want their money again. How can I tell them it's just not gonna happen? How can I tell them the degree I got with the loan was utterly worthless? Do you think they'd accept my worthless degree in exchange for all this money? I'm at my wits end with these people. So, what I'm really asking, if it's no trouble, is if You could kindly blow these people up. Well, not the people so much. I don't want to hurt any people. Just Mohela itself. Is there any way You could just blow up Mohela. I don't know. It seems like this would do a lot of good for people. Remember, I don't want You to blow up the actual people calling me and whatnot. Just their employer. I know You are faithful. Thank you. Amen. Blow up.
It seems to me, a church should probably never get confused with a business. And yet, that's what it seems like. Not just a big church but a big business. I remember having to sit through many a service where the preacher reported on General Council meetings and whatnot. The whole time I was thinking, what am I doing here? Is this church or what? Then there was the time they were offering to help all the elderly congregation members get their wills in order, for free! I thought that was nice. Then I found out they were only doing it so people would leave AG some money. Then there's the voting fiasco. When it comes time for public elections, members are given a "cheat sheet" of all the candidates AG endorses and who they think you should vote for. This all seems very shady. And now, recently, AG's been letting all these people go at their headquarters, here in Springfield, MO, with no warning and no thought for their retirement. Now, does this sound like big church or big business? Just to show that nobody is bigger than AG, even retired pastors, who have worked for AG for thirty plus years, relying on AG for their welfare, living in parsonages and whatnot, when they retire, are left to fend for themselves with no means for income to speak of.
I don't know about you, but some of this behavior, how AG being a religious organization is somewhat above the law, seems a bit more like a different sort of organization. Something a bit more sinister. For a small fee, 10% of your earnings, as well as additional offerings, AG will protect you and your eternal soul. How is AG not like other big religions from the past, which protestantism broke away from? How is AG not like the shady business side of Scientology? How is AG not like the mafia?
If He were here, I'm not sure what Jesus would do. I mean after He turned over all the money-changers' tables of course. Would He be comfortable sitting through a service where the preacher goes on and on about General Council meetings and whatnot? Would He approve of the way AG conducts business. Or would He even waste his time? Something tells me He'd quit all this AG bullshit and go save the factory worker, buried alive in Juarez, Mexico?
There are men in rooms, deciding what to do next. When are one of these men gonna say game over?
I love chess. There is a beginning or opening, there is a counter to the opening, at some point there is a move that changes the game, there is an attempt to turn the tide back, and then there is the inevitable end. Yes, there is an end. When the contest is unwinnable, or when there are no more pieces, there is an end.
I think this might be the problem.
The men in these rooms, they seem to think they have an unlimited amount of pieces. And who knows, maybe they do. I imagine they're pleased to have an endless amount of pieces. But what if they didn't? What if they only had a king, a queen, two bishops, two knights, two rooks and eight pawns? And what if these pieces had names and faces? And what if their names were people in their own family or their own community? What if THEY were one of these pieces. If these were the stakes, do you think the men in these rooms would want to keep playing?
Height: Both Tall.
Skin color: Both Brownish
Eye color: Both Blackish
Eye shape: Both Big and Dopey
Nose: Rodman's nose is just plain strange looking. Obama's nose is pretty basic. However, practically the first thing every master of disguise buys with their master of disguise money is an assortment of prosthetic noses. A-la the Pink Panther.
Public Speaking: Rodman pretty much just mumbles. Obama is a gifted orator. For many years, Rodman has shown the ability to surprise people, and I wouldn't put it past him to sharpen his public speaking abilities in order to accomplish his goal of infiltrating the White House. Then again, Rodman's profoundly unpredictable, but mostly lacking motivation throughout his career makes this seem pretty unlikely.
Jump Shot: Both go out of their way to avoid taking jump shots. Even when they're wide open.
Rebounding: Both excel.
Thank you for your time concerning these matters. It is Michael Zinetti's desire to keep all American's safe. It's imperative that we keep our eyes open. You never know when Dennis Rodman is gonna pop up. So, the next time you see Michelle Obama, watch for signs of Rodman-ness. It may save your life.
Godbolt is the first book in The Godbolt Series. It introduces the main character of the series, Chris Bontey or Godbolt, as well as the two secondary main characters, Kevin Sarcy or The Mindwriter and Blastus Legend or the Anti-Nigger Machine.
Chris Bontey or Godbolt is a 23-year-old Chinese food delivery driver and lackluster college student who misses his medication and as a result seems to develop super powers. This first book shows Bontey dealing with this discovery and the realization he must quit his meds altogether. Also, Bontey realizes he needs to find a teacher to help him learn to concentrate and cultivate his powers.
Unbeknownst to Bontey, there is a secret government organization, aptly and simply titled, The Organization led by an extremely determined man named Horace Danbury. The purpose of the Organization is unclear, but seems to be to find mutants and either get them to join the Organization or terminate them.
The book begins with the Organization attempting to recruit Kevin Sarcy or The Mindwriter. Danbury’s plan is to recruit the Mindwriter and then recruit Blastus Legend or the Anti-Nigger Machine (ANM), who appears powerful enough to eventually recruit Bontey or Godbolt, who is, to Danbury the grand prize of all mutants.
The book is written in first person from the three main characters’ points of view, with Godbolt taking the lion’s share of the book, followed by The Mindwriter, and lastly the ANM.
Kevin Sarcy or The Mindwriter is an ambition mind reader and writer with immense powers and promise, who, apart from ambition, has a very sadistic and egotistical streak. He is a downright bastard.
Blastus Legend or The Anti-Nigger Machine, named after the Public Enemy song of the same title, is an ex-college basketball star who injured his knee and thus ending his hopes of NBA stardom. To make matters worse, Legend loses his scholarship and is forced to leave school. These events leave Legend a deeply bitter man. He sees much of his fate as a result of his color. He is extremely depressed and moves to the inner-city and becomes a drug dealer and pimp. However, when he develops special powers, Legend’s life takes a completely different turn.
Are you one of the gazillion guys on the planet plagued with that most awful affliction, you know, small penis disorder? Well, be of good cheer because all that shit is behind you now. Michael Zinetti has come to the rescue, with his new ebook, Some Ways To Make Your Penis Bigger.
Happy Easter people! In case you didn't know, here's a brief history on Easter/Easter Eggs/Jesus/Colt 45 Connoisseur, Lando Calrissian: Everybody knows Jesus was known to ride around Jerusalem on a magic bunny who produced rainbow-colored poop and eggs. Jewish kids had great fun trying to determine which ones were poop and which ones were eggs. In fact, kids were so enamored with the rainbow-colored poop/eggs parents had no choice but to hide them. Until one day Lando Calrissian freed all the rainbow-colored poop/eggs, spreading Easter joy throughout the land. That is why today, Billy Dee Williams can't walk into a shopping mall without being bombarded with hugs and kisses and rainbow-colored poop/eggs. Amen.
Lyrics to a new song by Michael Zinetti
I turned over the love truck
I turned over the love truck
And the driver crawled out of the cab
Rubbing his head and saying, "Boy, what have you done?"
I turned over the love truck
I turned over the love truck
And the love is pouring over me
A river of love flowing through this tired old city
I turned over the love truck
I turned over the love truck
And then I saw her standing there
With my love covered coat I wrapped it around her
I turned over the love truck
I turned over the love truck
And I don't care if you call the police
Lock me away and throw away the key
I turned over the love truck
I turned over the love truck
excerpt from Embolden: Prisoner In The Forest