The Only Thing I learned In College Was How To Make A Really Big Debt

 I graduated from MSU with a Bachelor's of English with an emphasis in Creative Writing and a Minor in Art. In order to attain this worthless degree, I spent countless hours attending class, working on projects, begging professors to add me late to their rosters, trying to find a parking place, staring in disbelief at the prices of books in the bookstore, studying, testing and spending $25,000 in loans.

MZ on Nicki Minaj

I can't decide who would kick my ass better: Nicki Minaj, Fergie, or Lady Gaga. I kind of like this newer breed of pop-stars. And yet, at the same time, I'm scared shitless of them. What's up with that? Admittedly, the pop-stars from when I was growing up, like Debbie Gibson and Tiffany, well they didn't do much for me. Madonna and Cyndi Lauper were more like these newer pop-stars. Madonna made me wanna fight/flight equally, while Cyndi Lauper just made me wanna adopt a pet or do crafts. Don't get me wrong, I would gladly bed each and every one of these girls and thank my lucky stars for the pleasure. Who wouldn't? Which makes me think I should probably look into the thin line between fight/flight and the third, lesser publicized, fuck. More than likely, therein lies the mysteries of life.

MZ on Building Vaginas

I have the utmost respect for Freddie Mercury, but I seriously doubt he's ever spent any significant time building vaginas out in Asia Minor, as he claims he or this fictional "Killer Queen" liked to do in the song of the same name. However, I learned a long time ago not to underestimate Freddie. As for building vaginas, I find it to be a noble endeavor to say the least. I, myself, have always been a friend to the vagina. Sure, our friendship has seen its ups and downs, and in recent years we've grown apart. Still, I maintain a certain undying devotion, even if by afar. Some things are simply out of our control. And yet, my loyalty has never wavered, I remain true to the vagina and her plight, whether real or imagined. And I have no doubt our paths will converge someday. Perhaps even tonight. Unless of course the bitch cancels again! Rest in sweet peace, Freddie.

MZ on Kraken Releasing

Sometimes I wish I had a Kraken to release. You know when people really get on my nerves. I would be like Milton from Office Space except instead of muttering about burning the building down, I would be like, "Ok...I guess I'm gonna have to release the Kraken on you people."