MZ on Being a Pickless Wonder

Life is smaller without a pick. I look at my guitar. I want to play it, but I can't. No pick. Instead of playing the guitar, I spend the next ten minutes looking around my room for my missing pick. No luck. Sure, I could play the guitar without, but I just don't like the sound, and plus I get a blister on my thumb after the third song. And that hurts like hell. Without a pick, my muse turns into an unexorcized demon, and I turn into a silenced pickless wonder.  

MZ on All Things Cuba

Cuba Gooding Jr. is my favorite actor named Cuba. Mark Cuban is my favorite sports franchise owner named Cuban. I've never had a Cuban sandwich but my uncle is quite fond of them. With all this Cuba love going around, you would think that Fidel Castro was my favorite dictator. But you would be wrong. My favorite dictator has been and always will be the great dictator, Hynkel.

Some Ways To Make Your Penis Bigger!

Announcing a new Michael Zinetti ebook! Some Ways To Make Your Penis Bigger!

Are you one of the gazillion guys on the planet plagued with that most awful affliction, you know, small penis disorder? Well, be of good cheer because all that shit is behind you now. Michael Zinetti has come to the rescue, with his new ebook, Some Ways To Make Your Penis Bigger.

MZ on Dreaming the Alive Dead

I have this bad habit of dreaming people are dead when in reality they are alive and well. Why do I do this to myself? I'm horribly sad when I wake up. And exhausted, since I spent the better part of the last few hours, sleeping and dreaming and mourning the loss of someone who isn't even dead. I remember this happened one time when I was a kid. I dreamed one of my friends had been hit by a car and died. And then, when I woke up, this same friend came over and wanted me to come out and play. I freaked out, accusing them of coming back from the dead just to F with me and then I ran back into my room. Tonight before I go to bed, I might write a list of who's alive and who's dead, so in the morning, I can check it, just to make sure I don't accuse anymore people of coming back from the dead just to F with me.

MZ on the Origin of Easter

Happy Easter people! In case you didn't know, here's a brief history on Easter/Easter Eggs/Jesus/Colt 45 Connoisseur, Lando Calrissian: Everybody knows Jesus was known to ride around Jerusalem on a magic bunny who produced rainbow-colored poop and eggs. Jewish kids had great fun trying to determine which ones were poop and which ones were eggs. In fact, kids were so enamored with the rainbow-colored poop/eggs parents had no choice but to hide them. Until one day Lando Calrissian freed all the rainbow-colored poop/eggs, spreading Easter joy throughout the land. That is why today, Billy Dee Williams can't walk into a shopping mall without being bombarded with hugs and kisses and rainbow-colored poop/eggs. Amen.