MZ on Making Au Jus Work For You

I'm glad you decided to drop by. And in a minute, so will you! In fact, reading this post could be the biggest most important event of your life. And all you have to do is keep reading and when you're done, start utilizing the techniques outlined within.

First off, are you tired of being a penniless weeble-wobble who wobbles but won't fall down? Living check to check, wobbling all the while and never falling down? Wouldn't you like to be less wobbly? Wouldn't you like to drive a Porsche? Didn't you like the Avengers?

Second off, what is the one thing that makes everyone in the world happy? I mean, what is the one thing that cuts through all cultural barriers, no matter how stupid and backwards these foreigner's cultures are? That's right! Au jus dipping sauce!

Third off, what I'm proposing is everyone out there stop doing your job. You don't need a boss telling you what to do. I mean, how many times have you personally seen your boss do something stupid like misuse there/their/they're? Probably lots. Cuz they're stupid and smell. Do you really want to keep working at a place like that? Where your only goal in life is to someday fill your boss's position, only to spend the rest of your days being scrutinized mercilessly by all your underlings, watching and waiting for you to f up? In some cases, being so annoying that they're even watching to see if you misuse there/their/they're? Bullocks!

Fourth off, hand to hand combat and au jus sauce go hand in hand.

Fifth off, what I'm proposing is gathering all your resources. All your possessions! All your assets! And literally liquidating them! Right now! Within a week, you could turn all your stuff into au jus dipping sauce! I'm serious! I need it! Once you've established this, you can make au jus work for you! You can even use au jus as legal tender! I'm serious! No more waiting in line at the post office. With au jus, all you do is dip the corner of your envelope in au jus and you're good to go. Are you sending something heavy? Well, just dip it deeper in the au jus. There's really no limit to what you can do with your au jus! I'm serious!

Sixth off, and lastly, the easiest step of all: sit back and watch the money roll in! All your financial burdens will be a thing of the past. You can finally have that island in the Pacific you always wanted! Where you can start your own society. Where every man is worshiped like a god and given 3 sometimes even 4 wives, to be loved and sexed and sometimes even traded like baseball cards with your friends. And the lakes and rivers are flowing with beefy au jus. And the women know there place. And you can never feel pain. And your hemorrhoids never flare up. And where your team always wins. And girls find you sexy. And laundry day never comes. And Oscar Wilde is revered. And where time travel is imminent. And evolution stops here. And where a thumb is no longer made to think it's any less than a finger. And where transvestites don't frighten you so much. And cole slaw is made tangy, never tart. I'm serious.

All of this and au jus can be yours. But only if you're willing to put down that job and house and follow au jus.  

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