Now, you are ready to go Halloweenie-ing! The best way to go about Halloweenie-ing is to meet up with a bunch of other halloweenies and sort of like invade the downtown area. Consume mass quantities of libation, this will help with lubrication, or social lubrication. As soon as you're drunk, storm the streets and run around like your crazy. Try to avoid cars. There's always safety in numbers.
If you want to dress up like Hallovageenies, be advised, this is a much more involved endeavor, especially if your Hallovageenie has a larger than normal labia.
Check out this quaint little story for FREE! Agrarian Love Story is one of Michael Zinetti's first short stories. It tells about two young sweethearts, Marvin and D'Zynthia, and how one night, rather than sneak out for another drive-in movie, D'Zynthia suggests they stay in and see what fun can be had in her bedroom. Will Marvin go along with D'Zynthia's idea? What will happen if he does? Check out Agrarian Love Story by Michael Zinetti.
|Why, there's two boobies right now!|
I was talking to this dude and he told me there are no guarantees in life and that nobody lives forever. I was like, "What the heck!" So that's why I don't feel too bad about NOT finishing the movie Tree Of Life. I gave that movie forty minutes of my finite time on this planet and all it gave me was a discombobulated story, weird incoherent voice overs, and bizarre gratuitous theory on the inception of life sequences. My general thoughts by the end of the forty minutes were: "I'm not sure. Am I supposed to care about this dinosaur dude? What happened to Brad Pitt? Why don't they just tell the story? Is there a story? I don't mind a nonlinear story but this friggin' ridiculous. This is a nonlinear nonplanar possibly nonstory." As soon as I get word that my after-life insurance has kicked in, and I'm guaranteed eternal life, I'll finish Tree Of Life. Maybe.
Candidate 2: Mr. President, that's simply not true. In fact, America has less chicken now than it did four years ago.
Candidate 1: I DO have the most chicken. And if you give me your vote I will share it with all you good folks in this town (insert name).
Candidate 2: Why would the good folks of this town (insert name) give you their vote when you've had four years to share your chicken and they're still waiting for a taste of your chicken.
Candidate 1: The truth is I've shared LOTS of my chicken. What about your chicken? According to your plan, you're going to deduce chicken intake by 25%!
Candidate 2: That's simply not true.
Candidate 1: It is true.
Candidate 2: No it's not!
Candidate 1: I'm president and I say it's true.
Candidate 2: You won't be president for long!
Candidate 1: I'm beginning to think you don't like chicken.
(The good folks in this town (insert name) gasp in unison)
Candidate 2 (looks around nervously): That's simply not true. I love chicken. When I was governor of Marshmallow Land, we were the biggest producers of chicken. In fact, I made it possible for even the most poor and most idiotic people in my state to have chicken.
Candidate 1: I know. That's why we based much of our chicken production plan on yours in Marshmallow Land. But now, for some reason, you've distanced yourself from your chicken production model. Why is that? I think somebody doesn't like chicken as much as somebody says he likes chicken.
Candidate 2: That's private. I mean, that's simply not true. THIS somebody likes chicken!
Candidate 1: Allow me to reiterate, good folks of this town (insert name), if you give me your vote I will share my chicken with you. Wink wink nudge nudge.
So, later that night, I rented Tree Of Life.
Ten minutes in I was like, "When is this movie gonna start???"
Twenty minutes in, I was like, "I gotta see what this movie got on Rotten Tomatoes." So I paused it and checked it out on Rotten Tomatoes. 84%??? 84% of critics liked it? The positive reviewers were comparing it to Kubrick's 2001. I guess I could see that. However, in Kubrick's 2001, after all the fruity pebbles silliness, you eventually get to the spaceship sequences with David and the ship's computer, HAL, which were awesome. Was Tree Of Life gonna eventually get awesome? I had to keep going.
Thirty minutes in, after the earth creation sequences, I was seeing EXACTLY what they were talking about with the Kubrick 2001 comparisons. However, after the seemingly twelfth or thirteenth seemingly pointless voice-over, whispered something like, "Where is he?" or "What is he looking for?" or whatever the voice was saying, I think my brain literally spontaneously concussed. I was starting to think about my own mortality and why I would want to spend anymore of my finite time on this planet watching this movie that never seems to start. And yet, I pressed on.
Almost forty minutes later, I decided to pause the movie indefinitely, opting to watch something else I rented. In this case, 30 Rock Season 1, which I'd never seen but always wanted to someday sit down and watch.
As for the Tree Of Life, I got three more night to get through it. Hopefully, with the obligatory breaks in order to keep my own sanity, this will allow for enough time to finish it. Ugh.
.99 is all that separates you and 50 seriously silly sleep-deprived blog posts!!! Make it happen!!! Your Mom will be so proud!!!