Silent Night (Merwy Cwismas Evybody) - Michael Zinetti

Michael Zinetti wanted to do something Christmasy and here it is....Silent Night! Listen as Michael Zinetti slowly but surely gets the moxy to sing out the third time around. You can do it! Merwy Cwismas Evybody!

MZ on Medicine For Profit

Profit in medicine just feels wrong. Imagine if the police, fire department, and schools did this too.

"We got a call about somebody breaking into your house. If you would like us to come in and assist you, we're gonna need your insurance card. No insurance? Oh, no problem. You can pay out of pocket. We'll just need you to set up a payment plan. Finished? Great. Now, how can we help you with this breaking an entering thing?"

"It certainly appears your house is about to burn down. If you would like us to put it out, we're gonna need to see your insurance card. Great. Oh, unfortunately only your living room and bedrooms are covered. We can begin the firefighting process now, but it may get costly for you. Let us know how you'd like us to proceed."

"Who knows the capital of New Hampshire? Sorry, Timmy. Montpelier is incorrect. If you would like the correct answer, have your mom and dad call the school and make arrangements to pay. Does mom and dad have insurance? No? Well, you don't really need to know the capital of New Hampshire anyway. Right?"

MZ on The Perfect Christmas Gift

Are you tired of all those awkward Christmas gift exchanges? Are you tired of the age-old experience of opening a gift and, well, not really wanting it at all, and yet having to act like it's the most amazing thing ever? Are you tired of all the impromptu fictional excitement you have to muster for all the world to see?

Well, you can put all of that behind you now, because I got the perfect solution! I have the perfect Christmas gift idea. You may think my idea lacks Christmas spirit, but bear with me. My heart is in the right place.

Okay, so the first step to buying the perfect gift is for you to think of something you really really want or need. And don't be stingy. Spend as much as you like, because I'm pretty sure the other person will match you. Second, wrap it and give it to your friend or loved one. And it's assumed that your friend or loved one has done the same for you. Now, here's the perfect part. Third, change the bow or rewrap the gift or add a design or flair to the wrapping. Fourth, simply hand it back to the friend or loved one who gave it to you in the first place. Fifth, open it! Sixth, there! It's exactly what you wanted! No guesswork and inevitable disappointment. Seventh, have a Coke and a smile and call it a day, or a Christmas day.

Until next year, and all this annoying crap starts over again. Ugh.

MZ on Beseeching The Burger King

What is up with this? Taco Bell started doing this a couple years ago but then stopped. Now Burger King does it! Every time I'm in the drive thru, as soon as I pay, those dingleberries ask me, "Can you please pull forward and we'll bring it out to you when it's ready?" Usually, there's no one behind me or anything. One day, after the like tenth time they did this, I asked them, "Why do I have to pull ahead?" They explained that they are being timed, and the timer goes off as soon as a customer pulls forward, making their numbers for the night look better. I said, "Yeah, but if that's the case, your numbers are bogus. So what's the point?" This is when they started to get a little upset. And then they said, "You don't have to pull forward if you don't want to." Then I said, "Well of course I don't want to. Who would want to pull forward?" By then, my food was ready and they handed it to me all pissed. WTF? Am I wrong here? Hey Burger King, whoever's the King right now, honestly, WTF, is this your idea of customer service? And BTW, when was this time thing become such an issue? And does this seem like a plausible way to increase the wait? If so, I think the King is misinformed.

MZ on Fantasy Birds Jumping From Branch To Branch

Fantasy Football is cool. Yeah, I'm a little bit addicted. But I wonder if anything could be made into a fantasy thing and suddenly become cool or addictive. I wonder if we had Fantasy Birds Jumping From Branch To Branch if it would be equally cool or addictive. I mean, the basic elements are the same. We would be putting money on birds and how many branches they decided to jump to. Just to make it interesting, certain branches would have a special bonus. We would win big with a particularly indecisive bird that jumped to like ten different branches, including two special branches, before finally flying off. We would lose bad with a bird that skipped the whole thing and just took off. I mean, it's basically just gambling, right? Fantasy People Walking Around Walmart. Fantasy Construction Workers Milling Around. Fantasy Teacher. Fantasy Teacher would just be everyone putting their lunch money on certain words the teacher said. You win big every time the teacher says "Furthermore," "Exactly", or "Great". Finally, everyone would want to listen to their teacher, that is, if they had a chance of winning everyone's lunch money.